we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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