I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
