i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Randomize
