Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
