paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We're too hungover to prance.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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