I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
