I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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