I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
