Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
