you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
