So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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