I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
