Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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