my soul wont recognize me after tonight
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
