So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
