I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she smelled like a LAN party
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
How's work?
Spinning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
