I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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