ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This show inspires me to have sex in space
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
