Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
