I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
