OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
