Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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