chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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