Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
