so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my being single is dangerous.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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