Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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