The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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