I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
