I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
