Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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