I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
