I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize