i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
