Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
