dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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