yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
