The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
