Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
