I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
