I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
