MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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