Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
