i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
These tits shall not be calmed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
