i jhust puked up my retainher.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
