The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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