im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
