i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
