can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
