In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I love you. Go after that dick
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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