swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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