Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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