I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
