He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
