Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
