i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
