I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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