Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
