Apparently you make a good broom.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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