By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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