You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
