I am midnight drunk by noon
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
