She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
