it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
