mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
