So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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