Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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