she takes plan B like it's going out of style
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
