dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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