Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
