so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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