Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
