8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
