Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
