And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
