wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
