He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
