State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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