Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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