R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
